The "Clean" Computer Coder

The person who is so paranoid about their work emails, yet still want to talk about inappropriate things while in the workplace. (As if there was a secret room at everyone's work where a man is searching everyone's computers remotely to see if trigger "bad words" are typed. ...OH MY GOD WHAT IF THERE IS?!) Therefore, they write everything in code as if they were passing notes in middle school.

.....and a blow job will forever be referred to as a "mouth hug."

The Uncomfortably Comfortable Sleepover Buddy

The guy who sleeps over at a girl's apartment for the first time and acts like he's practically a live in boyfriend. Is there a reason he has gotten out of bed in the morning and sat down to watch tv in your living room while drinking one of your roommate's redbulls? Unacceptable sleepover behavior. NEXT!

The "Just Kidding" Jester

Just because you say "just kidding" after your statements does not make them disappear. And the fact that you say "just kidding" after every inappropriate thing out of mouth makes me REALLY know you aren't kidding. The phrase has become a punctuation after your statements. "You look pregnant in that shirt.... just kidding!" Actually-- I'll never wear that shirt again... ok? You've ruined that shirt. Its tarnished with your words.

The Fair-Weather Workout-er

You know who you are. Before Jan 1st you didn't even know how to GET to the gym. You are worse than those people that only go to church on Christmas Eve and Easter. You are taking my parking spot. You are taking my treadmill. You are irritating me. You are wearing your new expensive work out gear you bought with your Christmas money to fulfill your new years resolution which you'll forget you even made in 3 weeks. You wander aimlessly around the gym believing you are burning calories by just being there. You have on those little "work out gloves" which I'm still not entirely sure I know what they do. You show up 20 min late to class and leave early, EVEN though you have printed out the gym class schedule and laminated it. Gyms should take a hint from airlines and start offering "Frequent Sweating" points to those who actually attend the gym on a regular basis so that we get priority for...well, everything. God knows I need some reward for going to the gym on a regular basis cause I'm certainly not losing weight because of it.... But I do not fear you Fair-Weather Workout-er.... I know you will fall off the wagon and your new work out clothes will go into a drawer never to be seen again...until next Jan.....

The One Day Glutney Whore

The person who knows they have to start eating good on Monday so they make an entire batch of chocolate chip cookies on Sunday and eat them all in one day. ...and yes, i'm referring to myself.

The Complimenting Kidnapper?

Have you ever listened to someone compliment how beautiful another person's child is so much in such a creepy way that you are pretty sure they are going to attempt to steal the baby? I have.

The Loud Babytalker

Sir. You are talking baby talk to a 2 year old child. There is no need for your voice to be at that decibel. Its actually gone from semi-cute to just scary. The entire city of Los Angeles is now aware what a good whittle girl your daughter has been. Thank you.